STOP Saying This to Lifeguards

I was a lifeguard for 3 years. The pickup lines got worse and worse. Here’s what not to say or do EVER. Please oh please.

I used to lifeguard all year round. During the summer we’d wear tank tops and sandals. In the winter we bundled up in layers and rotated from one lifeguard shack to another. The worst part was how late we’d stay open. The later it got the creepier the flirting. Here’s some funny, creepy experiences.

  • An older looking lady came up to me and asked if I’d seen Sandlot. I told her I had. She giggled and said I should do the lifeguard scene with her son. Her son looked to be about 25 years old. He turned red and said, “Mommmm, stop! I’m married.” She was like,”I know, so what?” I’m guessing this mom didn’t like her daughter-in-law. It was super awkward.
  • I was sitting peacefully in a lifeguard shack watching a slide pool. All of the sudden a young boy, probably around 12 years old, popped up in front of the window. This startled me a little bit. He then breathed on the window and fogged it up and drew a heart in it. He pointed at me and winked, then ran up the slide stairs as fast as he could.
  • This is a very common one. I’d hear it about once a week. They’d ask if I would save them if they were drowning, often mentioning mouth to mouth. I would reply by saying something about the plastic thing I’d get out of my pack and put on their face. They didn’t feel like flirting with me anymore.
  • We’d have to sit at the top of the slide and tell people when it was their turn to go down. Some boys thought since they’re good looking, if they flirted, they could do whatever they wanted to on the slide. Instead, they would get kicked off.
  • Asking for someone’s phone number, after you stared at them, while they are life guarding, is stupid. Seriously, I don’t know you. I’m just trying to do my job. I didn’t look at you because I’m in love. I looked at you to make sure you aren’t dying.
  • An old guy was talking to me forever about his life. Then he started talking about his recently divorced son, who was 40 years old. He said he thinks I’d really like him. Luckily I rotated to a different pool before he could try and set me up on a date with him.
  • A lot of group dates for high school dances would come on Saturday mornings. About 75% of the time the girls and boys would segregate. It was super awkward to watch. The girls would gossip about the lifeguards. The boys were on dates with these girls, but they would come up to me and try to get my number or flirt. I’m like,”uh, you’re on a date”. Those girls were already watching me like a hawk. Now they look at me like I’m a home wrecker. Seriously, don’t flirt with the lifeguards when you are on a date.
  • A guy came and asked me how old I was. It was when I was 17. He’s like,”Dang it, I’m 29 years old. Your’re really pretty, I was hoping you were 18.”
  • Lots of people think if they know your name you will be more likely to flirt with them. I find this very creepy. They ask the other lifeguards, then wave me over by calling my name out. Sometimes this brings an awkward moment of wondering if I actually knew them. Most of the time I didn’t.
There are many more stories. That’s just all I can think of currently. Share your own experiences below. #lifeguard #flirting #awkward #creepy

One thought on “STOP Saying This to Lifeguards

  1. These are awesome! Much better than anything I experienced as a lifeguard. I still can’t get over the mom wanting the Sandlot re-enactment with her married son!

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